


Just Another Day in Paradise....

by debirlfan



Category: Paranoia (role-playing game)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-01
Updated: 2012-12-01
Packaged: 2017-11-19 23:29:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/578818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/debirlfan/pseuds/debirlfan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things go wrong.  As always.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Another Day in Paradise....

**Author's Note:**

  * For [snowynight](https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowynight/gifts).



The door slid shut behind them with a dull thud. Miz-R-REY fought to keep the smile from her lips. While the other Troubleshooters were all cowering near the Alpha Complex entrance, she was in her glory. This was the opportunity that Miz had spent her entire life waiting for, the chance to go into the Outside. She started to walk forward.

“Stop!” Team Leader Git-R-DUN screeched. “You can't step there!”

Miz-R-REY looked down. Short, tender spikes protruded upward. Thanks to her membership in the Sierra Club, she could identify what they truly were. Grass. She ached to pull off her boots and run her toes through it.

Grass is green, though, and given the team's red clearance, they weren't authorized to step on green surfaces. “How can we complete our mission if we can't leave the doorway?” Fea-R-FUL asked, standing on her tip-toes to peer over Git-R-DUN's shoulder. “Maybe we could ask the Computer to send someone of a higher clearance.”

“Nonsense. We simply need to remain on the brown and gray bits. We'll need to go single file. Miz-R-REY, you take the lead, then you, Fea-R-FUL. Boo-R-ISH, you're in the middle, then Ann-R-KEE. I'll bring up the rear.”

As much as Miz liked the idea of leading the team off into the wilderness, she didn't relish the thought of having the others behind her where she couldn't watch them. “Team Leader, Ann has the traitor detector, perhaps it would be more appropriate if she led.”

“You have a point,” Git agreed. “Ann, give the detector to Miz.”

Great, thought Miz. Now she not only had four trigger-happy laser toting Troubleshooters behind her, but she was also carrying a piece of unpredictable R&D tech that weighed nearly half as much as she did. She reached into her pocket and popped a couple happiness pills, then shouldered the pack Ann relinquished.

The lights on the detector seemed to blink mostly at random, so Miz picked the direction that seemed most likely (and most interesting) and set off, carefully avoiding stepping on the grass. Sometimes that meant stretching to reach from one patch of dirt to another, or jumping from rock to rock. Miz was just starting to relax and once again enjoy the experience of being Outside when a shriek sounded behind her. It was quickly followed by the sound of laser fire.

Miz hit the deck, then looked to see what was going on. A wide-eyed Fea-R-FUL was pointing her laser upwards, toward one of the green-topped poles that surrounded them. “Mutant!” Fea shouted, firing wildly.

It took Miz a moment to figure out what Fea was shooting at, and in that moment, Boo drew his own laser and fired. Something small toppled from the pole and fell to the ground, smoking. Miz regained her feet and went closer to examine it. It looked much like one of the vermin that were sometimes found sneaking around the food vats, except that its tail was far fluffier. In any event, it was now most definitely dead.

“Keep moving,” Git-R-DUN ordered. “We must find Randy-GRL. That infrared traitor may be torturing Masc-U-LIN even as we speak.”

An hour's walking with remarkably few incidents led them to the edge of a clear area. The spiky green, semi-soft brown, and hard gray textures beneath them gave way to a grainy tan. Much to Miz's relief, the Troubleshooters fanned out. She was grateful that now they were all where she could keep an eye on them.

“Is that a giant vat?” Ann asked, gesturing toward what appeared to be a nearly endless puddle.

“Something like that, I'm sure.” Git turned toward Miz. “Is Randy-GRL registering on the mutant detector?”

She wasn't about to try to explain to him that the detector was totally useless, especially when there were two easily visible trails of footprints. “This way,” she said, after pretending to consult the machine.

A few minutes later they rounded a group of the tall poles and came upon two figures in a secluded spot near the edge of the puddle. It took all of them a moment to assess the situation. Randy-GRL was on top of Masc-U-LIN, clearly attempting to harm him, as evidenced by the loud moans he was emitting.

“Traitor!” One voice.

“Commie!” Another.

“Mutant!” A third.

Multiple laser shots zapped, and the infrared clone exploded into a million pieces. Simultaneously, Git-R-DUN dropped to the ground, a perfectly round hole punched in his forehead. 

Miz looked around, trying to determine who had shot the Team Leader. Fea looked positively terrified and her hands were shaking, but Ann seemed positively gleeful. Either of them might have been the shooter. She vowed to keep both of the women in front of her on the way back to Alpha Complex. Meanwhile, she turned her attention to the High Programmer they had rescued.

Covered in gory bits of infrared, he was holding his head in his hands and sobbing uncontrollably. 

“Are you all right, Sir? Did the Commie Traitor hurt you in any way?” Miz asked. Since Git had been on his last clone and there was currently no way to contact the computer, she thought it best to assume control before someone else did. “I'm sorry it took us so long to arrive to rescue you from your kidnapper.”

Masc-U-LIN broke off mid-sob. “Rescue? Kidnapper? Commie mutant? She was no... oh... I see. No, I'm uninjured.” He looked down at the blood and other matter staining his uniform and began sobbing again. “Take me home. Please.”

“Certainly, Sir.” 

This time, Miz made sure that she was bringing up the end of the line. On the way back to the Complex, she took advantage of the position to momentarily pause and snag a bit of greenery that was growing up the side of one of the poles. “Leaves of three, how beautiful they be,” she whispered the Sierra Club mantra to herself as she pulled down the zipper and slipped the leaves inside her jumpsuit.

As they neared Alpha Complex, she smiled in genuine, non-drug induced happiness. Mission accomplished, High Programmer rescued, and fortuitously, Git-R-DUN permanently off her back. Things couldn't be better. She scratched absently at her chest. As she did, she felt the sprig of leaves beneath the fabric. Her secret society was going to be so pleased!


End file.
